A Valentine's Day Massacre

Dear Reader,

So, it's that time of year again. If you don't have the time to be romantic with your dear lady love for the rest of the year why not be forced into it by greeting cards manufacturers, rose sellers and desperate restaurant owners. Notable mentions should also go out to jewellers and numerous other retailers for whom this day is a bit of a goldmine (pun intended). Valentine's Day is here.

Some flowers.

I was curious, what came first, the day or the greetings card? It would appear that Valentine's Day came much earlier, initially honoring a number of martyrs named Valentinus, first recognised in 469AD. However we have Geoffrey Chaucer to blame for the association between the date and the romance. What is clear, is that Chaucer's court was not short of romance. Roses abounded, confectionery and greetings cards were presented (no doubt on bended knee). All that was missing was a mass-market postal service and a whole card-board based industry would be born.

A truly lovely Valentine's Day Card.

Which brings us, after the consumption of much nice food, wine and chocolate to where we are today. Valentine's Day is an event, during which any couple, married or otherwise is obliged, nay, compelled to book into over-booked restaurants, purchase roses, presents, champagne, cards and all manner of other things just because some people died in unfortunate circumstances 1,600 years ago. The more astute amongt you may have picked up on the words "obliged" and "compelled" in the previous paragraph, as a result you may be sensing negativity to the fine and established event that is Valentine's Day. If you did, well spotted. I do have some problems with this occasion and I am not alone.

The following statement may sound like anti-romantic blasphemy to some, but to myself and the Dear Lady Wife it makes perfect sense; we choose not to celebrate Valentine's Day. To us it is just a normal day, cards are not purchased, roses are not purchased, restaurants are not booked, gifts are not exchanged, etc etc. There is a reason for this. Romance, surely, should be spontaneous, not prescribed by a date in a calendar. If I follow this logic to it's end when else would I be able to be romantic? Birthdays, Christmas? How about whenever I feel like it? What could be wrong with that?

Consequently Valentine's Day is a little bit different for me. It is actually a little surreal. The normal ebb and flow of people through my local supermarket is wrong. This year Valentine's Day fell on a Tuesday. I have previously noted that Tuesday is a quiet day because a local Pizza vendor has special offers on that day. This has been coined the Domino's effect. This Tuesday is different. Our local supermarket is busier than it should be. Men are exiting from the shop with nothing but flowers. Men are hovering around the greetings card section of the shop. Men are clustered around the Rom-Com section of the DVD shelf. I need to get out, this is freaky, my Tuesday shopping experience has been sullied by some weird religious cult, or maybe an alien invasion.

I get home and all is normal. Dear Lady Wife is on a conference call and our cats (all boys) just want food, not flowers, thank God. Later I am sent on an errand, to procure the evil cigarette. Wine has been consumed, so I walk to the garage. The garage is in the middle of being restocked with petrol, which for some inexplicable reason means that nothing can be sold. So I go to my local pub, this being the next nearest potential supplier of the evil tobacco. Being a polite soul I procure an alcoholic beverage and ask for change for the cigarette machine. This gives me a few minutes to survey the demographic of the pub on this y strange day. Things are not as they should be. The pub is full of men. There is not a female to be found, except for behind the bar. Scientific analysis is required. These men are either:

• Single / Divorced.
• In so much trouble for not fulfilling their Valentine's Day obligations they have been thrown out, which means they are heading towards Single / Divorced at high speed.
• Like me, which means being in a pub on your own is perfectly acceptable.

I was tempted to ask these men which bucket they fell into but some of them looked grumpy so in the interest of science I guessed instead...

• Single / Divorced .- 70%
• In so much trouble for not fulfilling their Valentine's Day obligations they have been thrown out, which means they are heading towards Single / Divorced at high speed. - 23%
• Like me, which means being in a pub on your own is perfectly acceptable. - 7%

So, single girls listen up. On Valentines's Day go to the pub. You have a 70-93% of pulling if you are in the mood. Science has proved this. 

More Soon Dear Reader.

xx