Thursday, 17 March 2011

London Underground Fight Club

Dear Reader,

Apologies for my recent silence... I have been lacking inspiration ... until now. So, I have been in and out of London quite a lot recently, battling with other commuters attempting to get to where we need to get to. People-watching keeps me sane, and there is certainly a broad swathe of people to watch in a richly diverse multi-cultural city like London.

Nothing particular catches my eye in the morning, it's all business business business, must get to where I need to get to type stuff.

The evening is a little different however; my working day is done and I am unwinding. As a result, I am more conscious of my surroundings and more importantly the people around me. Obviously there are strange types, but this is a subjective observation dependent upon your own definition of strange.

So, a businessy type not unlike myself is wandering through St Pancras on his way home. He has all the expected trappings of the type - smart overcoat covering a reasonable suit, shirt and tie. But something is all wrong about the way he carries off this ensemble. The tie is significantly loosened, the shirt is mostly but not entirely un-tucked, in the style of a school child. He looks like he has been in a bit of a kerfuffle. And this is a man in his forties. Does he not look in the mirror before he leaves work? Does he not look in the mirror while he is at work? Perhaps, perhaps not. Has he been involved in a rather rushed sexual tryst before returning home? Maybe, but judging by his looks if it was an amorous tumble I think he must have paid for it. Could there be some other explanation?

Just imagine that there was an underground network of commuters who have started a Fight Club. Maybe just like the film Fight Club, commuters gather in a deserted underground station to slug it out. After all, how much do you know about yourself until you've been in a fight?

It should be noted that I do know a lot about myself after having been in a fight. Just the one, when I was a wee small bairn. Hospital ensued for myself, along with a broken nose, as a result of the extremely one-sided affair. My assailant also appeared in hospital in the next cubicle to me, requiring stitches to his knuckle from a nasty cut inflicted by one of my teeth. Go teeth! I have the pleasure of watching him pass out because he is scared of needles, a small victory but a victory none the less.

I digress...

There would be rules of course, as explained in the video below. However they would have to be tweaked a little for this particular club ...

So, the rules of London Underground Fight Club:

The first rule of London Underground Fight Club: You do not talk about London Underground Fight Club.

The second rule of London Underground Fight Club: You DO NOT talk about London Underground Fight Club.

The third rule of London Underground Fight Club: If someone yells stop this does not mean the Picadilly Line is broken again, this means the fight is over.

The fourth rule of London Underground Fight Club: Two guys to a fight, however EVERYONE should move down the carriage.

The fifth rule of London Underground Fight Club: One fight at a time, which means no pushing and stand clear of the doors.

The sixth rule of London Underground Fight Club: No shirts, no shoes.

The seventh rule of London Underground Fight Club: Fights will go as long as they have to, a little bit like engineering works.

The eighth and final rule: No matter how late you have become because of a signal failure on the Jubilee Line, if this is your first night at London Underground Fight Club you HAVE to fight.

This whole post will probably only make sense to those of you who have watched the movie. If you haven't, WATCH THE MOVIE! For legal reasons I should point out that you do not have to watch the movie if you don't want to, or if you are under a certain age, or if you are of a sensitive disposition, or if you really like soap.

And of course, the London Underground Fight Club might just be in my mind, just like Tyler Durden.

Also for legal reasons I have to state the following..
Just to be completely clear to anyone who thinks that this is real, it's not! Nor would we ever encourage any kind of violence against any person, no matter what the reason or person or situation. This is just a flight of fancy on my part.

More soon dear reader X