Wednesday, 4 January 2012

New Year's Resolutions

Dear Reader,

We have recovered from the festivities over the Christmas and New Year period. This is a time for introspection and consideration of what we may do differently in the future, apparently. Personally, although I do not find my life perfect, I do not feel the need for New Year's resolutions. My only New Year's resolution  is to not make any New Year's resolutions; dammit, foiled again. 

Anyhoo, unlike me, the Dear Lady Wife needs to make a New Year's resolution for the sake of our family. For the future of our family. Or should I be more concise; to stop me reaching for sharp, blunt, loaded, furry, spiky or otherwise encumbered objects during a certain task that DLW finds a little bit challenging. If she does not do this small thing then I may need to apply for a shotgun license.

So, I hear you ask, what is this terrible crime that DLW commits; what habit does she have that warrants so much venom; what affectation drives me to the brink of murder?

A picture should be painted,  let me try to illustrate with some words. DLW is on iTunes and wants the latest thing from Lady YoYo or Katy Sherry and as a consequence would like to purchase said item.

Katy Sherry - Elmo Romance nothing to do with Rustle split.
Lady Yo Yo - Fillet dress? No Misteak.
This is not actually a sin, DLW should indulge in whatever she sees fit, just don't PLAY IT TO ME FIVE TIMES IN A ROW AFTER A COUPLE OF GLASSES OF WINE!!! Ooops, that damn CAPS LOCK! The playing is not the issue, no, the acquisition is the issue. 

A conversation may be required:

DLW: I quite like this new song from Shady LaLa.
Me: Shady LaLa?
DLW: Yep, she is artistic, a little bit mad and she wears shades.
Me: Oh, that Shady LaLa, I was getting mixed up with someone else.
DLW: How do I do this?
Me: Click buy.
DLW: It's asking me for a password.
Me: That would be the password you provided when you set-up the account.
DLW: What account?
Me: The same account that you used to buy the Katy Sherry thing the other day.
Me: You must have used your email address and a password, have you tried these?

DLW: Yes, I have tried all of them, I have tried it with an upper case letter, a lower case letter, with a number on the end, with a number on the start, with a small fluffy animal in the middle. It's all your fault...

Me: (Ducking under wine bottles, expensive china and masonry): How would it be my fault my sweet? I am merely an onlooker in this rapidly expanding bout of rage and larger fonts. Have you tried to reset the password?


Me: I understand how important this request is to you. The use of a large font, CAPS LOCK, and a small fluffy animal have made your requirement for a password crystal clear. However my advice is the same, the only difference being that it is now delivered by a burly security guard who I hide behind the back of.

DLW: I have reset this password a million times. Every time I return to this site I have to reset the password. Why can they not remember the password I set last time?

Me: What was the password you set last time?

DLW: I don't know!

Me: Then maybe you need to reset it?

DLW: I shouldn't need to. The password is in a special place.

Me: And where might that place be?

DLW: If I knew that I wouldn't be talking to you. It is in my special book of things, which I have recently lost.

Me: Ah, I see the problem here. However I do not have an immediate solution. Would it be OK if I went to bed and did not have to get involved in the five year search for the book of special things?

DLW: You don't even care about how important the book of special things is. You used a small font.  Go choke on your small words. Let us hope that the pillow smothers you in scary dreams that grab you and hold you.

Me: Good night honey

DLW: Fine!

This sort of dialogue happens quite regularly in our humble abode. Thankfully, the pillow hasn't smothered me as yet. So the New Year's resolution for DLW should be to set a password for all things and remember it, or write it down, or have it tattooed backwards on her forehead, whatever works.

In the interim I watch the pillow with suspicion.

Happy New Year dear reader.


No comments:

Post a Comment