Saturday, 11 April 2009

Cigarettes and Alcohol and Hiccups

Not as catchy as the Oasis song. Messrs Gallagher got it right from a rock and roll perspective when they talked about alcohol and didn't get involved in the hiccups, of that there is no doubt. This phenomenon (da daa di da da) however needs investigation. The phenomenon (da daa di da da) in question can be described thus: (from the notes of a defrocked and possibly mad scientist who happened to live 120 years ago.)
The subject was plied with a significant amount of wine. Not enough to make him pickled, merely a quantity associated with an average afternoon tipple for a gentlemen of leisure.
Twas observed at numerous points the subject lit a tobaccanous substance and began to suffer from the most precocious wind exuding from the vocal area but no doubt originating from the nether regions.
Furthermore, it was observed that the wind previously described seemed to be directly related to inhalation of the aforementioned substance by the subject. The exhalation
of noxious fumes from the subject did not elicit the same response.
These expurgations evinced much distress in the subject, causing dismayed comments regarding the nature of the described outbursts. The subject was an earthy sort from the mines no doubt, paid a shilling for his troubles, and as a consequence is not noted here.
And so it goes on in a bodice-ripping stylee.
I can fill out this charming (and completely fabricated) Victorian "science" experiment with some personal experiences that are akin to those of the "earthy sort" described in the paragraph above.
And it goes like this…
The subject was plied with a significant amount of wine.
Twas observed at numerous points the subject lit a tobaccanous substance.
And then come the hiccups, not every time, not even occasionally, but when they do I know about it. They are persistent, they are irritating, they plague every inbound breathe of the smoker. This is not fair. I, by choosing to smoke, accept many potential pitfalls, as documented by impeachable resources too many to number. Shortness of breath, life etc are well documented. This tobacco induced hiccupping has not been highlighted on the increasingly graphic packaging which contains my little coffin nails. I have been, and continue to be, annoyed by this.
Now, if science cannot find a solution (unlikely), then governments should use my dire as a warning to potential smokers. Not only does smoking harm your health, at times it can be damn irritating as well.

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