Sunday, 17 July 2011

Rupert's Apology - An in-depth analysis

Dear Reader,

So, the chief of News International, Rupert Murdoch is getting hauled through the mud as a result of the phone-hacking scandal that is already engulfing the UK arm of his newspaper empire and threatens to spread to other parts of his business.

Rupert's Spitting Image cameo.

In damage-control mode he has tried a number of things to mitigate the unfolding disaster, including:
  • Shutting down the News Of The World.
  • Backing out of his planned takeover of BSkyB.
  • Accepting the resignation of Rebekah Brooks, his most powerful UK executive. She has subsequently been arrested as part of the on-going police investigation into the scandal
  • Apologising in person to the parents of Mille Dowler, whose phone was allegedly hacked while she was still missing, before being found dead.
Now,  like a good American movie star coming out of re-hab comes the public apology, posted in every mainstream UK newspaper. Below is the text of the letter annotated by my good self.

Rupert: We are sorry.
Me: We are scared, petrified in fact.
Rupert: The News of the World was in the business of holding others to account. It failed when it came to itself.
Me: The News of the World was in the business of producing sensationalist headlines about others. It has succeeded in producing quite a lot of headlines about itself.
Rupert: We are sorry for the serious wrongdoing that occurred. We are deeply sorry for the hurt suffered by the individuals affected.
Me: We are sorry that we got seriously caught. We are deeply sorry for the hurt suffered by News International
Rupert: We regret not acting faster to sort things out. I realise that simply apologising is not enough.
Me: We regret getting caught. I realise that getting caught is not a good thing.
Rupert: Our business was founded on the idea that a free and open press should be positive force in society. We need to live up to this.
Me: Our business was founded on the idea of making headlines, oh, and money. We need to continue doing this.
Rupert: In the coming days, as we take further concrete steps to resolve these issues and make amends for the damage they have caused, you will hear more from us.
Me: In the coming days we will sack and sacrifice whomever is required to make this go away, expect more lies, scapegoats and sacrificial lambs.

Like Rupert, you will hear more from me in the coming days as News International continues to implode in such a spectacular fashion.

More soon dear reader xx

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