Friday, 19 November 2010

OMFG, it's a Royal Wedding!

Dear Followers and Others Who Have Been Attracted by the word Royal Wedding...

Firstly, this not a desperate attempt to increase traffic to my site by cashing in on Royal Wedding fever, oh no, you wouldn't catch me doing that...

Royal Wedding Kate William Royal Wedding Kate William Royal Wedding Kate William Royal Kate William Wedding Kate William Royal Wedding Kate William Royal Wedding Kate William Royal Wedding Kate William Royal Wedding.

... because that would be desperate. Glad we got that sorted out.

Now, I have been forced to write about this for two reasons, firstly because it is topical, but more importantly because my dear lady wife Smiffy cannot get the damned occasion out of her head. I, on the other hand am just a little less bothered.

I do appreciate that as a resident of the UK there will be some rather dull but fiscally attractive benefits to certain businesses. I also appreciate that the UK tourism industry will get a healthy shot in the arm as a result of the union. An early estimate puts this number to be around 620 million of your English pounds. Really? And how did this figure come to pass? One would assume that the meeting involved an extremely unhappy donkey with a very bloody tail, along with some over-enthusiastic young economists waving slide-rules around in gradually decreasing circles.

Anyway, this is truly wonderful, but largely boring. I have to deal with issues closer to home. Smiffy is over-enthused by the idea, reminiscing on previous royal weddings etc. I think a transcript is required...

Smiffy: William and Kate are getting married!
Me: Oh, that's nice, are they your side or my side because I don't recognise the name.
Smiffy: The Royal Wedding, idiot!
Me: Oh, that wedding... are we invited?
Smiffy: Only if we win a competition that I have not seen but dreamed about.
Me: So, minimal chance of me getting on the dance floor towards the end of the night, requesting (probably aggressively) Born Slippy by Underworld?
Smiffy: It's William and Kate!
Me: Is that good or bad? More importantly, (refer to previous question) is that Yes or No?
Smiffy: IT'S WILLIAM AND KATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your exaggerated use of CAPS must mean this is very important. Am I missing something?
Smiffy: Do not fuck with me, husband.
Me: Good point, well made. Please provide me with the facts required to share the love that you have regarding the union of William and Kate
Me: (Phew) Oh it is just that William and that Kate, I was starting to get a little worried.
Smiffy: Right, that's it you have forced me into measures I would not normally deploy.
Me: Such as what?
Smiffy: Really large fonts to make my point. Once more, with feeling, it's William and Kate!!
Me:, Ah, OK, I get the picture. You think this is important; so, sell it to me.
Smiffy: There will be an extra bank holiday because of the wedding.
Me: Really, oh that William and Kate! Glad we've cleared that up.

I now entirely buy into the idea and am enthused, as there is something in it for me.

Any chance we can roll-over the bank holiday to each Wedding anniversary?

Mr Cameron?

Mr Cameron?

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